Eat a Bowl of Dick...."Pylon Guy"

Somewhere in this city someone is shooting a movie. Lucky me, I live right in the heart of it. I cannot tell you how much I love waking up in the morning to the sounds of shouts and running tractor trailers parked outside my windows. The sweet sounds of the director screaming at the night watchmen about something or other load enough that I have to open my sunroom window and give a gentle "hey you.......people lie here and on a Sunday some of us are actually sleeping at 6:00am", to which he replies sheepishly with a "Sorry lady", and then proceeds to continue his tirade.

If you have never had to experience the 3 day movie shoot, you are very lucky. The first thing they do is give you a week’s notice. They tack up a notice on your front door letting you know they are coming and that they expect to be there "x" amount of time...yadda yadda yadda.

This is never accurate. They say they will be there Monday but on Sunday you see a guy in an orange vest putting pylons where you would normally park your car. As people exit the side of the road this guy throws out pylons so you cannot park there when you return home.

I was coming home on the same Sunday after being out for the day and I parked my car where I normally would, and as I am walking down the street towards my house some guy in an orange vest jumps out of his shitbox of a car and says I cannot park there. I was like "what do you mean I cannot park here?" He proceeds to tell me that the city has issued a permit for them to park around the corner and as such he needs me to move my car out of the area I pay yearly to park in. He claims it has to do with the city bus. So I tell him that his pylons are around the block where I would normally park and that I am parking here as everyone else will later.

I started walking and he starts following me incredulous that I am actually not going to move my car because he in the "official" orange vest has asked me to do so. He says to me "Seriously? You are not going to move your car?" If you know me at all you know this is not going to go well from here on out.

So I turn around and start walking back to my car, and "pylon guy" gets this smug look on his face like "yeah that's right, I am the shit, and I’m a big deal in my orange vest" and he goes back to his car and gets back in. I deliberately wait for him to look back in his mirror; I get into my car, start it and move up one spot. I turn off my engine get out; lock my car with maybe an extra beep or two of the horn and smile. I start for home again. Pylon Guy gets out of his car and starts yelling. He's so pissed his words are coming out but they are not making sense. What I recall was "bitch" which is of course original, there may have been an f-bomb or two in there, I don't know, I was trying not to laugh a bit and walking.

A few hours later I went to get a case of water I had left in my car and "pylon guy" who also moonlights as night time security guy is perched on his chair outside the newly arrived trailers. I cannot help but notice that all my neighbours have parked exactly where I am parked and the grin is ear to ear with "I told you so, on the tip of the tongue." I don't say it; I simply tip my head and say "Hey Pylon Guy.....nice job with the pylons!" I know I heard a Fuck You at that point, but it was worth it.

So to all the "Pylon Guys" out there I say.......Bonne appetite!